The two Georgia men claiming to have found Bigfoot’s body last week came forward today to admit it was all a hoax. In truth the carcass they unveiled was just a rubber Sasquatch costume filled with . . . wanna guess?
Possum roadkill and slaughterhouse leftovers.
Think of it: these guys could’ve filled the suit with anything—old rags, pillows, even dirt. Any of these would’ve been convincing enough for a grainy photograph. But they actually opted for decaying animals—even though nobody but them would know there were carcasses inside. That’s dedication, people. Deadication.
Makes you wonder what Star Wars’ costume maker stuffed into Chewbacca.
“So, did you give the wookie a heart?”
“No. Pig intestines!”
I wish I were a reporter on the scene—I’m so filled with questions I could burst! Is fat roadkill better than flat? Do tire tread marks add structure? I can totally picture those good ole boys driving around Georgia backroads looking for roadkill: “There’s a possum, Jeb! Stop the truck! I’ll get the shovel!” Scraaape.
And what, pray tell, are ‘slaughterhouse leftovers’? Spleens? Hair? Teeth? That must’ve been some nasty-ass dumpster diving.
“Thank you for calling MovieFone. Press 1 for Deliverance: The Early Years, starring Hannibal Lecter.”
Now the men are being threatened with lawsuits, which is sad. The “Blowoff”—carny slang for the bonus attraction at a sideshow where you’re charged an extra quarter to see a woman with a hairy spider legs, a three-legged fetus in a jar, or some other display you know is probably faked out—is a great tradition of traveling American and English sideshows dating back to the 1820s, and still exciting today. That’s all these Georgia bubbas are guilty of.
A lawsuit? Come on. We all hoped it was Sasquatch, but did anyone really believe? Really? Truly?
Ok, maybe this guy did. And boy, does he look pissed.
September 11th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
Dude, who is that sticker, bitch? You know what would be cool owner of blog site? Make real stickers and have them posted on bathroom urinals. You know, like the “Obey” stickers found everywhere across the country. While you’re at it, put the name of this website on it. Maybe you’ll get some more hits.
Try it, bitches. Make some casheesh!
September 11th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
I love this quote from the ‘Ron Burgundy’ movie:
“It smells like Big Foot’s Dick!”
I want more of that Sex Panther, male cologne, by Odion!
“they say 60% of the time it works everytime.”