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Two Performance Artists book by Scotch Wichmann
Two Performance Artists Kidnap Their Boss And Do Things With Him
Inspired by my crazy adventures as a performer on the road, this is the story of two performance artists who cook up the ultimate performance: to kidnap their billionaire boss...and turn him into the wildest performance artist the world's ever seen.

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If you…

Scotch Wichmann Drinks Up…scribbled on yourself with marker, uncorked a bottle of tequila that had a miniature penis inside, and then stuffed your underwear with 3 straight razors, 1 buzzing electric razor, and shaving cream, it might look like this…. All men should test their underwear to make sure it can stand up to a beating. Fruit of the Loom should totally hire me!

Things I Learned: 1. Hornitos Tequila burns when it runs down your chin, but the bottle’s neck is big enough that you can push a fake weiner through there. 2. Panties full of Barbasol *will* cause your parts to go numb. 3. Norelco’s cordless 7340XL razor will continue running even when submerged in shaving cream. 4. Sharpie Permanent Marker comes off knees+arms easily with soap and a loofah, but the chest is a bitch.

Photo from my “Manly Man” piece in last night’s 5x5x5 Show, Sylvia White Gallery, Ventura. Thanks again to everyone who came out, to John White for putting it together, and to KayDee Kersten for photography.

2 Responses to “If you…”

  1. PAUL RAINER Says:

    GONNA COME SEE YOU AT THE FRINGE MAN HOPE YOU’RE DOING WELL.

  2. al3x Says:

    oh god you are insane. i will DEFINITELY buy your book next year. did you drink the shaving cream?

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