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Two Performance Artists book by Scotch Wichmann
Two Performance Artists Kidnap Their Boss And Do Things With Him
Inspired by my crazy adventures as a performer on the road, this is the story of two performance artists who cook up the ultimate performance: to kidnap their billionaire boss...and turn him into the wildest performance artist the world's ever seen.

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Married!
March 8, 2013 7:20 pm

Scotch Wichmann Cigar
My sexy, sassy, and brilliant partner-in-crime KayDee and I tied the knot in Florida! Yay us! We headed down to the Keys after. Too much to tell…manatees, mangroves, sandy beaches, kayaks, lizards, white trash retirees, great service, Hemingway’s house, fat boat captains, fried boat sluts, buried treasure, a diving museum, a sweet little hotel named Ocean House, and earlier at our reception, watching my very conservative step-dad and his fiancée on the dance floor, both of them oblivious to the fact that the song playing was “I’m Fucking You” by Enrique Iglesias…they danced to it, bobbing back and forth in a tight embrace, happy as clams with no idea…I didn’t have the heart to tell them….hahaha

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One Step Closer
January 18, 2013 9:32 pm

I’m sharpening the pen on the strop as we speak. Just got the novel back from my U.K. editor Charlie. Fantastic, painstakingly detailed feedback. Really, if you want a smart critique, hit me up for Charlie’s contract info. It was less brutal than I’d expected, but I’ll admit it: I’m dreading having to tear at my narrative threads. But that’s the path, right? The finery’s in the edits, at least for me. Maybe Hemingway shat gold on every first draft. Not me. I shit shit. And then I work it like Play-Doh.

I still remember being in college and asking a poetry teacher/friend if he knew of any writing contacts or gigs he might hook me up with over the summer. You know, something easy—slip into the warm bath for 3 months as an intern with the inside track. No dice. His answer to me: “Want to be a writer? Hit the streets, fucker.”

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On the Radio This Week: Tony Bennett, Rasputin, and More
January 11, 2013 10:12 am

This week’s JIMMY’S POTPOURRI show will feature the music of Tony Bennett, plus musings on Rasputin, dirty dreams, and other madness. Sunday 9am-noon, streaming live online at www.killradio.org

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5 Minutes for Connecticut
December 14, 2012 7:19 pm

I had the chance some years back to visit the Atascadero State Hospital for the criminally insane.  The inmates there are too mentally ill to stand trial, or in many cases, too programmed for acts of horrific violence to be committed to a normal prison, as hard as that is to imagine.

The prison was general population, meaning inmates were mostly free to amble about in the halls and common areas, as were I and my handler.  There weren’t any guards nearby; just the occasional nurse.  So, just us and the “residents.”

Staff got attacked all the time; sometimes killed.  And so it was terrifying—imposing threats in all directions constantly.  My adrenaline was pumping like mad and I could barely breathe, being surrounded by killers walking freely just feet away.  (And in there, “killer” was, in many cases, a gracious understatement).

My terror wasn’t because of how they were looking at me.  I mean, yes, some were drugged to the point of shuffling and drooling, but too many others were locked on me with terrible, clenched-teeth gazes because I was alien, an interloper, prey—and they made absolutely sure I felt it.

No, as much as I tried to fathom the human wreckage these men had left behind, it was next to impossible in comparison to the sickening, overwhelming vibration of so much evil so concentrated in one place, as hokey as that sounds.  (Maybe I’d been preconditioned by the staff who’d told me beforehand that most of the men in there would never—or at least, *should* never—be released; that without supervision and druggery, it was highly likely they would rape, maim, and kill as easily as a yawn).

And that’s what stuck with me: that despite whatever legal or other protections may come to pass to hopefully lessen future potential bloodshed around us, ultimately there is still conniving evil in the world; there are men like these, and no amount of discussion, interdiction, politics, monitoring, or intervention will change that.

In other words, we are gut-wrenchingly fragile, yet this fact too often doesn’t manifest in behavior, between people, or in the media, except during a horrific crisis when all denial is ripped away.

As I sped away from Atascadero, I was overcome by sadness—maybe even mourning — over the human beings in there who, at birth with so much potential, and now by nature or nurture, will spend every breath locked up for our safety.  They’re in there being shot up with drugs, shackled to beds, hunting and being hunted in fear and in the halls, now, even as you read this, forever.  That, along with all the lives they’ve destroyed including their own, is almost the saddest thing in the world—but so is the perfectly sane hypocrite who has everything going for him, yet treats people like shit day in, day out, until a horror breaks and he’s reminded for five minutes that any of us could be crushed at any moment…then promptly forgets.

If humans needed less reminding, there might be a lot less evil bred in the world.

Filed under Confessions, Freedom | 2 Comments | Permalink
 
 
The Novel Lives
December 7, 2012 2:16 pm

My novel about two gonzo performance artists, which somehow survived 6 months of plotting, 6 years of writing, 1 year of editing, 1 year of 42 rejections by NY agents, one divorce, 10 years of San Francisco fog, 3 jobs, 5 deaths, 5 relocations, the chance discovery of my dream girl, 3 years of desk drawer darkness, followed by another year of editing, is finally in the hands of an editor. I can’t wait for you to read it! Stay tuned!

“A writer only begins a book. A reader finishes it.”
      —Samuel Johnson

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L.A. Nihilist Film Festival — This Friday!
December 6, 2012 12:24 am

L.A.’s NIHILIST FILM FESTIVAL is this Friday 12/7 at 8PM. If you’re a fan of surreal, absurdist, nihilist, short, wacky, crazed, Spanish, underground, cut-and-paste, low-brow, monobrow, waxed brow, conceptual, or WTF film, don’t miss it! Last year featured silverware f*cking. Hello!?? Admission is only 99 CENTS (in honor of the cliff). Echo Park Film Center, 1200 North Alvarado. Curated by le grand nihilistmeister hims-elf, Elisha Shapiro.

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This Week: Interview with Elisha Shapiro, the Funniest Nihilist
November 16, 2012 12:40 pm

elisha shapiro nihilist radioNIHILISM UNLEASHED! Creator of the Nihilist Olympics that attracted world press in 1984, and the only Presidential candidate ever to run on the Nihilist ticket, ELISHA SHAPIRO is arguably the most famous living Nihilist on Earth. Find out how he became a Nihilist when he and I chat this Sunday on the JIMMY’S POTPOURRI show. (And if you need more Nihilism in your life, come to Elisha’s annual NIHILIST FILM FESTIVAL to be held in L.A. Friday, December 7 at the Echo Park Film Center at 8PM — the entry fee is a whopping 99 cents!)    Hear it all this Sunday 9am-noon on JIMMY’S POTPOURRI—listen anywhere online at www.killradio.org

UPDATE: The audio’s now available online—click the play button below to listen in.
Interview with Elisha Shapiro, the Funniest Nihilist by Scotch Wichmann

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Downtown L.A. Is A Zoo
November 6, 2012 11:00 pm

L.A. is a zoo with giraffes

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On the Radio This Week: Silverlake Hipsters
November 3, 2012 3:51 pm

Forbes recently ranked L.A.’s Silverlake district as the #1 hipster neighborhood in the U.S., surpassing even Brooklyn’s Williamsburg and San Francisco’s hipster Mission District. What the hell are hipsters, anyway, and what’s drawn them to Silverlake? To find out, tune in tomorrow for my 3-part segment SILVERLAKE HIPSTERS, which includes interviews with L.A. architectural historian Laura Massino and District 13 L.A. City Council candidate Scott Crawford. Sunday 9am-noon on the JIMMY’S POTPOURRI radio show. Listen live from anywhere at www.killradio.org

UPDATE:The podcast is ready for listening—you can play it here:
Silverlake Hipsters by Scotch Wichmann

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You Know What To Do
November 2, 2012 11:08 am

Vote for Scotch Wichmann!

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